On a chilly day in south-west London, Stuart Barker sailed through the first test of his captaincy credentials, leading the Badgers to a comprehensive victory over Kingstonian. A fine team effort meant the Badgers romped home to a 109-run victory, taking revenge for their defeat in the previous year’s encounter.
Showing off their razor-sharp fielding drills and sexy new equipment, the Badgers were primed and ready for action. Sadly, Barker’s first act as captain was to lose the toss and lead them all back off the field.
It was down to Cloke and Lee to provide the foundation for the season and they strapped their protection on, ready for action. Always prepared for a good going over, the two batsmen poked and prodded and gave no satisfaction to the opposition bowlers. Barker’s plan was coming together and he was loving it.
With plenty of batting to come, the top order began to open their shoulders. Jinks in particular discovered it was much easier to clear the boundary when Dollimore’s car was a viable target. In turn, Warman joined the fun and some effortless boundaries allowed him to finish on 49 not out. Always aware of team statistics, he turned down a single off the final ball of the innings, running out Cole and leaving him as yet another piece of collateral damage in his quest for the perfect average.
Having offered a series of full body massages to his batsmen as means of congratulations, Barker set about pumping up his bowlers for the task ahead. Well aware of the pasting they’d received from the Kingstonian ‘danger opener’ the year before, it was with some relief that Blake sent him back to the hutch within the first over.
Indeed, Blake continued to fire. In spite of his questionable moral fibre, he provided a masterclass in fast bowling, sending another victim’s stump cartwheeling through the air and leaving his final scalp gaping in disbelief as a slower delivery pitched on leg, arched back like an orgasmic raccoon and took off-stump’s bail.
With the light fading and the goose bumps growing, further wickets were snagged by Cole, Marchant and Barker to wrap up the innings. Kingstonian were all out for 94 and Barker lit an imaginary cigar to toast the coming season.