I would like to offer my sincere apologies for my actions during the T20 game against the Thespian Thunderers. I was a fool. The fault was entirely mine. Your anger and subsequent aggression were fully justified.
But Martin! What a game! Let’s not forget how well we did to reach 120 from our 20 overs. At 63 for 6 it was looking very dicey indeed. Do you remember Taylor’s hitting at the beginning? Bam! Kapow! Vronk! It was like watching a 1960s Batman in cricket whites.
And Parkinson! Let’s not forget him. 33 priceless runs. And that enormous six Martin! What a strike! He really helped us to turn the tide. My own 28 runs were fairly useful as well but let’s not focus on them. This is an apology letter and I don’t want to sing my own praises. No Sir.
Of course that brings us to the final ball of our innings. I’ve had nightmares about that moment. Me on strike. A miss-hit into the off side. A scrambled single. Both of us reaching our ground with the ball lying inches from the bowler. I really thought that was it. We’d done a great job together. You and I had put on 36 priceless runs in the last few overs of the innings. We were about to leave the field as heroes. And then it happened.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you sprinting back down the wicket for a second run. Of course you were right. It was the final ball of a T20 innings for goodness sake. Of course we should attempt the second run. But I froze. I didn’t think you’d even get halfway down the wicket before the stumps were broken. The bails should already have been taken off. We had no chance of making our ground.
But then came the fumbles from the fielders. One, two, three. You couldn’t make this stuff up. And then you reached me Martin! You actually reached me. And I still hadn’t moved! Oh, how furious you were. I remember because you were shouting at me. And then you started attacking me! Yes, attacking me – trying to force me out of my crease. Oh boy you must have been angry. And still the bails weren’t off! Both batsmen at the same end of the pitch, one of them mercilessly trying the eject the other from the crease. Have you ever seen such a thing!?
Well, we know what happened in the end. The run out was finally achieved. The innings was over and we returned to our fellow Badgers – some shocked, a few appalled and the rest doubled-over with laughter.
But the game was only halfway through. It was time for the Thesps to bat.
And what a start from Cade! A wicket with his first delivery. And then the same again in his second over! Perhaps we could do this after all Martin! We had them at 13 for 2. And then 31 for 3. And then 31 for 4! We were smashing our way through their batsmen even faster than Mackrell decimates a bag of jelly babies.
We didn’t have it all our own way though. No Sir we didn’t. Suddenly they started to find boundaries with alarming regularity. Thorpey chipped away with a few more wickets (it was nice to see him wasn’t it Martin) but the Thesps began to reel us in. We hadn’t scored enough runs. 120 simply wasn’t going to cut the mustard.
But we kept going Martin! Every time the game seemed lost, another wicket fell. Spin twins Cade and Thorpe were so dangerous! You may remember I took 4 wickets too but let’s not dwell on that. The wickets kept falling, the runs kept flowing and the Thesps found themselves on 119/9. What a game Martin! They still had another over to go. All they needed were two more runs to win. But we only needed one more wicket. If only I’d taken that second run at the end of our innings! Was it all really going to come down to that?
But Martin! Oh Martin! Do you remember what happened next? They struck the ball into the off side. And suddenly they were going for it Martin! They were going for the run that would bring the scores level Martin! It went to my right but not far enough. I fell down on the ball. I had it! I had the ball in my hand! I threw it to Dewi. Had I done enough? It wasn’t the greatest of throws. It was quite low. But he gathered it. He removed the bails! It was close Martin. Oh boy it was so close! But the umpire’s finger went up. We’d done it Martin! The batsman was run out. We’d won the game by 1 run Martin!
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger!!!!!!
Anyway, I digress. I’m really sorry for my actions and I hope you forgive me.